Clean Slate, Starting Over
by Dulcedecorumest
Summary: Post S3 episode 10, the saying goes be careful what you wish for. And on Craphole Island that is especially true. Kate gets her wish but nothing ever happens the way you expect want it to. This a new kind of story for me, as always a SawyerKate pairing
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own LOST or Kate or Sawyer. If I did you know I would get rid of Kate and keep Sawyer for myself. Alas I settle for writing their story the way I believe it should be. In as many different ways as possible.**

**Please forgive me if I don't do them justice, the fault is all mine.**

**Part 1 - _Nothing to be sorry for_**

'…thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.'

The irony of the situation wasn't lost on her as she waited for the one thing every living thing had in common outside of birth, death. Katherine Dorf lay on the warm, moist fragrant earth and laughed to herself silently.

The life she'd lived leading up to this very moment was not flashing before her eyes. That had already happened the day flight 815 had fallen out the sky; crashing and burning on that Island, it had mercilessly dumped her out of the cabin and sent her hurtling to the ground and her destiny which was unfolding this very moment.

As she lay on the ground, her blood flowing freely and rapidly in attempt to escape from her body before it was no longer a living thing, all she thought of was remembering the entire biblical passage. Her every thought and every ounce of her failing being was focused on the things that she had forgotten.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been a lifetime since my last confession… I never believed you were there and I'm not sure I do now but I have to tell you some things before I go." Kate whispered in the darkness. Her voice was hoarse for a million different reasons, and she didn't want to expend her remaining strength unless she had to.

"Kate! What did you _do_?!? _Katherine_!! _**What did you do**_!??"

She heard her mother's voice echoing in the still night air like it was happening right this instant. But it wasn't. It had been over a decade since her mother had screamed those words at her.

"Nothing, Mom… I did nothing and everything. Dear God!" Kate gasped as the pain from the bullet lodged in her chest seemed to magnify with her unconscious movement.

She was exerting pressure on the wound but her fingers so slick with her own blood were numb and she couldn't really feel where the hole was anymore. Letting her arms fall away to her sides, Kate took a deep breath that made a worrying rattling sound in her chest and looked up into the dark starlit sky. Somewhere in the distance a commercial jet was landing at the airport. She coughed up a little blood, turning to her left to spit it out before bringing her head back to stare at the sky. The ground trembled with the sound of the plane landing. Kate smiled to herself.

"Momma, I'm coming home."

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This is a two part ficlet. If y'all like it and it piques your interest, I'll be writing a longer, full-length sequel. I have this ficlet planned out completely, and I will be posting the second half of this tomorrow or if you're really lucky tonight even. The title was inspired by this week's episode of LOST. Bear with me all will be revealed shortly.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you **Fiona** for the speedy review, I aim to please, so I stayed up late tweaking the second part for you. Hope it satsifies your hankering and doesn't disappoint._

**Part 2 – Tabula Rasa (Starting Over)**

20 minutes later

Kate opened her eyes with a gasp. She'd passed out. Lifting her right arm she tried to read the digital wristwatch but it was virtually impossible. Her vision was blurry from something. Blinking repetitively, it took her a few seconds to realize that a warm, light rain was falling.

"Everything happens in the rain." Kate whispered to herself, choking and sputtering as water trickled into her mouth. She found the strength to sit up in the dark, giving herself a chance to breathe properly and spit up some more blood. Favoring her left side she rested her right arm on her right thigh and wavering a little, managing to lean forward and pull herself up to her knees.

"Okay Kate count to five. Just like Jack taught you." She encouraged herself determinedly. She grunted from the effort of not obeying her body's survival instincts to stay still and prevent excessive blood loss. As hard as she tried to overcome the fear of the pain, she couldn't transcend it and make herself move. Kate groaned in desperation.

"Come on Kate, what have you got to be afraid of? You're gonna die anyway." She hissed to herself derisively. Trying once more, she staggered to her feet. A smile of triumph lighting up her face before she felt her legs give way under her again.

It wasn't going to work. She was too weak. Shrugging mentally, Kate let herself fall onto her back again with a thud. The pain sent jarring waves of shock through her broken body. But the pain was good, with it came the memories. At long last everything she had been fighting so hard to remember, everything that was truly important, came flooding back to her like she was living through it all again. And facing the truth at last in its unadulterated glory was like switching from black and white to Technicolor.

'_You can just say you're sorry.'_

'_Ever asked yourself where you got that name Freckles? You got any family called **Dorf**?' _

'_I don't know. That's the name I remembered when the rescuers came, and I like it. It feels right.'_

'_I bet it does.'_

'_I was hoping to convince you to cooperate with us Mr. Ford, I drove all the way out here, the least you could do is offer me some Southern hospitality.'_

'_The only kinda hospitality I offer **Miz Dorf**, you're not welcome to. Now get off ma property, before I shoot you.'_

'_Okay, we obviously got off on the wrong foot. I'm sorry, let's start over… wipe the slate clean. Hi, I'm Katherine Dorf.'_

'_If there were eleven words you should never have said to me Freckles, it's those.'_

While she had been lost in the memories, the rain had stopped. Kate didn't mind, it had served its purpose. It was like it had washed away everything leaving her in her purest and most lucid state. She had been such a fool for too long. All the things she'd buried away in her mind all the things she hadn't remembered when it mattered. At this point it was nothing short of hilarious.

Her shoulders began to shake with mirth, bringing her right hand up to protect her wound, Kate laughed out-loud. It was a harsh, guttural uncontrollable laugh. And with it came pain, sweet, welcome pain because it meant she was still alive. The tears slid unnoticed down her face and crawled into her hair, as she choked on her own blood, effectively cutting her laughter short.

Gasping and wheezing for air she finally caught her breath. Opening her eyes to stare at the stars she shook her head slightly. 'God most certainly has a sense of humor.' She thought to herself. Suddenly she felt a constriction in her chest, it wasn't so funny anymore, it was just painful.

"Oh Kate, how did you end up here?" She asked herself sadly. Before she could ask herself any more questions she felt the ground tremble slightly.

The answer came from the booted feet that were striding towards her. Holding her breath Kate steeled herself. She couldn't see the owner of the feet but she recognized the boots immediately. Rolling her head to the left, and the source of the sound, her eyes swept the form of the man standing before her. He stood patiently, waiting for her emerald green eyes to meet his sapphire blue.

"_James_." She croaked out, awe-struck.

James Lee Ford stared down at Kate as she lay on the muddy ground; her auburn pre-Raphaelite curls spread out behind her like the roots of a tree as they blended with the mud. The earth was ready to reclaim one of its own.

His eyes swept her form; taking in the flattering cleavage that revealed creamy blood and mud-spattered skin. Then there was the dark colored blotch just beneath her heart, he could see the blood oozing out and flowing to run into the earth. Completing his sweep of her body, his eyes raked her jean clad legs. Despite her current physical state, her legs looked as strong and well-formed as ever. Sighing to himself in reluctant resignation, James brought the gun he was holding tensely in his right hand up and pointed it at Kate's head. He was surprised at how steady his grip on the weapon was.

Kate didn't gasp or show any sign of surprise, instead she looked him in the eyes, knowing he wouldn't pull the trigger unless she did so.

She offered him a weak smile of encouragement, then started to laugh hysterically when his eyes widened in shock.

"I remember."

She choked on some more blood rolling to the right to spit it out. Turning back to face him, she was still smiling with amusement. The irony of this moment was not lost on her.

"It had to be you. It could _only _be you." She rasped out. Despite the blood, her throat was so dry her voice was failing.

Kate couldn't think of a more fitting way to go. It was karma and dharma all rolled into one. The stars had aligned and this is what they spelt out. The whole reason she was in this mess was because of him, it was all his fault. She had wanted a clean slate, to start over. And she'd gotten more than she'd bargained for.

'God, we haven't known each other long… but forgive me for my sins, 'cause here I come.' Kate thought to herself.

James cocked the gun and Kate kept her eyes open and focused on him; channeling all her feelings into her eyes. He pulled the trigger and she didn't flinch. She was going to die, and it was all because of him. All because she had fallen in love with a cowboy named James.

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Author's note: Okay so from the reviews and emails I've gotten from folk the story has left many of y'all confused. For the interest of clarity here's how it goes... If you have seen S3 Episode 10 you will know where the title of this fic has come from. As I lay in bed after watching the episode I thought about a million and one things. And then this little ficlet wrote itself, and all of a sudden another story idea came to me. I decided to post this as a ficlet because I am trying something new. I am just tweaking the next instalment of this story, I have already written five chapters. Your concerns have been duly noted. I promise you the first chapter of the next story **A Cowboy Named James** will make it all come together. For now suffice it to say, the next instalment will work backwards and lead to the point where this ficlet began and then proceed from there. Bear with me, the first chapter should be up in the next 24 hours!


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